they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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