fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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