Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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