someone get that fucking seahorse.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
