Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
