she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
