And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
