Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize