If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
