If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
