I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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