Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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