i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
