Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
