peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize