Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize