"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
