That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize