some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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