so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
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