If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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