Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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