I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
