Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i think i just lost a toe
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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