you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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