would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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