I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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