i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
