I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
