she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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