Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
