You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
