my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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