i think i have herpe
just one?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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