the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
