You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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