If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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