worst night to have a conscience
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
