i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
