You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
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