Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
