margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
