new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
