No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
