so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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