I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
