can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
