You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
