dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
