Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
