Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
