I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
