HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
