I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
