If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize