Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
