How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
