OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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