After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
