Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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