I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
