Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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