I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
