The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
