the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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