one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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