when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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