My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
