the new term for farting is butt boxing.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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