I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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