I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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