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I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
