I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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