You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
