this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Come on in and take your pants off
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
