I just pynch a tree in the face
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
