I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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