so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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