Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
