yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
