First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize