So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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