lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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