she woke up with a sticky ear
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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