Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I touched a dick in church today
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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