I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
