he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
