A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
