My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
