his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize