The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
