i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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