pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
