in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
