I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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