My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
