4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
