Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
