i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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