I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
