i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
