I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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