ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
