The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
